It has such a negative connotation.
Like it is a stagnant business arrangement, or that it has a definite start and start date with no wiggle room.
It implies that we have something we need to "resolve" or that we are defined by the traits we want to change, or we set them only because we feel an obligation (another gross word if you ask me). Perhaps this is the reason why people last just over a month in keeping these resolutions. I know because I have made them too.
This year, I decided to take a different approach, one combining visualization and reflection to find goals that really matter to me, which in turn will improve the likelihood of a lasting change.
1. Start with a visualization, not a goal.
This one might be hard if you have a pre-determined goal like losing ten pounds, but I want you to try to forget about that for now. How do you DESIRE your life to be? Start visualizing your perfect day. When do you wake up? What do you do? What type of work do you do? How do you spend your day? What does your home look like? What does your social life look like? How are your finances? Your closest relationships? .... you get the idea. I highly recommend at least writing some of these thoughts, feelings, and desires down. If you are creative, you can dig out magazines or print photos from the internet and make a visualization board, or you can create one digitally.
2. Identify ONE key area
Now look at everything you wrote down that your dream life entails. Which of these is truly most important to you? There is no secret formula to choosing one. You can pick one area you WANT to work on, one that you feel needs the most work, or one that you think is already pretty close to perfect but you want to perfect even more. For example, let's say you are feeling kind of out of control with your spending and finances and you hate that feeling, so you decide to focus on that.
3. Identify ONE feeling you desire
What is ONE change you can make in that area to make your life closer to resembling the ideal life you identified in step one? This is what we are using to create our goal. Using the finances example, you could say "I want to feel less stressed about money," or "I want to feel calm in my house," or "I want to feel self confident."
4. Peeling back the onion and finding your WHY.
Now let's take our feelings a step further. I want you to visualize the change in the area you identified taking place. How does your key area create an impact in your life? This helps us to theoretically peel the layer of the onion, getting us closer to our true WHY. Using the finances example of "I want to feel less stressed out about money," - we can think about WHY do we want to feel less stressed about money, and might find that if we were less stressed about money, we will not be as crabby to our co-workers, kids, parents, or we will have more energy to put toward other hobbies and interest. When doing this exercise, it is important to know there is no right or wrong answer: your first reaction is the most authentic and will be most effective. You can do this one or two or five times until you get to your inner WHY. If you get stuck here, and really cannot think of a WHY you want to change, it may be something that really ISN'T as important to you as you thought. If this is the case, go back through steps 1-3.
5. Set your goal.
Using your WHY statement(s) identified in step four, you can develop your goal and know that it is something truly important to you. Consider writing your goal in this format:
I want to _____________________ so I can feel ________________. This is important to me because ______________________________________.
Again, back to the financial goal. "I want to get a handle on my finances so I can feel less stressed. This is important to me because if I am less stressed, I am better able to focus in other areas of my life."
Let's say you want to make changes in your house like decluttering. You could say "I want to reduce the clutter in my home so I can feel a sense of calm. This is important to me because when I come home from work, I want to be able to relax.
While you are certainly free to set up as many goals as you want, I would highly recommend starting with just ONE, especially if it is something that will require a major shift. As you make progress through your first goal, you can decide when you may feel ready to start on another.
Notice this post is not titled achieving your resolutions or sticking with them. This exercise was to simply help you find something you truly desire to change... Do you want to see more posts about goal setting and steps to help you achieve goals?
I would love to help you FIND your WHY and make that ideal life you envisioned come to LIFE!
